...and here i sit, staring at my computer screen, hoping that getting lost on facebook will somehow help me fall asleep and drown out the noise of the nagging drama that seems to have taken over my heart.
i have drama about my family. i have drama about my apartment. i have drama about my career. i have drama about parking in los angeles. i have drama. and who doesn't have drama? my real beef with drama is that its just drama, and yet it bears so much weight on my shoulders.
here's how i look at drama: i weigh my drama against that of say, a person who lives in Somalia, a country currently at war. not only is my life so much more privileged, so much easier and so much healthier, if i would just look up from my dragging feet, the going promises to be easier. not merely because of where i was born but because, coupled with the fact that i have some fight in my gut if i could muster it, i can take this negative drama and turn it into something good.
yes, there is sadness and hurt in my family. but as for me, i will not hold onto that and whither and break under that weight. instead, i will take it and learn from it and find joy and hope.
yes, there are many issues with where i live, but with the economy as it is, maybe i'll move closer to the beach and pay what i'm paying 45 minutes away from it. i would love that.
yes, the career i have chosen is a rough one, close to impossible to achieve anything much less pay your bills via singing at people, but the challenges i face in writing music and communicating something valuable are lessons that translate into moments just like this when i feel the weight of my current troubles vying for first place in my mind.
these things are valuable. and i am learning that. although the child i sponsor through world vision has a difficult life, one where he wouldn't have his medication or education without help from someone who lives far away from him, my troubles are also valid and worth investigating, not for shoving away in some dusty corner of my mind in a file labeled "crap". because, regardless of whether or not i picked him out of the thousands and thousands of faces of children needing help, he would have had a wonderful life. he has hope. he has community. because, as oscar wilde put it, "we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." and trust me, this kid looks at the stars. as for me, its a clear night in L.A., time to look up.
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - winston churchill
www.worldvision.org
photo copyright nick ocean photography, 2008
nickocean.com
