escape

I've suddenly gotten this incredibly dense claustrophobic feeling coupled with the sharp sense of being lost amongst the millions in this city. And my fight or flight instinct has "flight" stamped on its front page. Emblazoned in red ink, glowing fiercely from its counterpart, I suddenly want to escape from Los Angeles.

I didn't run away to this city. I have been told by a few from home that it is the general consensus that it was escapism that brought me to LA. But, no, this move had "FIGHT" written all over it. Black and thick; FIGHT. And it has been such a fight. Never have I been so ravaged and left by the wayside. I'd heard the adage that LA can chew you up and spit you out, but I refused to be one of its victims.

And a victim I am not, but I do so very much desire some space, some semblance of pure rain-watered grass and wild flowers, maybe a prairie. Idillic it may be, but thats where I want to be.

Yet on the flip side of this ever two sided coin of my life, I wouldn't be happy with such simplicity. No, I want and desire a stage where I can play my songs. And not just to prairie dogs. I have a reason for living in the City of Angels, even when I feel like all the angels have abandoned me for somebody else, I still feel a draw to put my up dukes and fight. Even if I'm just fighting myself.

So, taking my cue from a Disney princess, I'm in search of the best of both worlds. How can I be a country girl in love with green grass and running room and still survive in a city of traffic lights and pot-holed concrete? 3 years and I'm still searching and not giving up. Until that ever-lovin' whistle blows or that fat lady sings, I'm still shadow-boxing, flailing my fists at whatever I think is there that needs hitting, hoping I make contact with whatever that feeling is that's trying to bring me down.